The Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust, meaning some storm eventually hits us all. So what do we do when that storm, filled with pain and sorrow, leaves us with nothing but brokenness? According to Nicole C (formerly Mullen), this is where you find your anointing, or in her words, “your anointing comes out of your brokenness.” Nicole is a Grammy-nominated, award-winning, highly sought-after singer, songwriter, and speaker who tours around the globe. And she’s a survivor of domestic abuse and marital unfaithfulness. Nicole shares her story in episode four of Overcome with Auntie Anne and isn’t afraid of being vulnerable and transparent while doing so. I think you’ll find it encouraging and inspiring, and I invite you to head over to the podcast and listen to the entire interview. Or keep reading below for the highlights.
Growing up in the church
Nicole grew up in Cincinnati, Ohio, where going to church was an everyday part of life … literally. Her family would go to church service on Sunday, catechism on Monday, usher on Tuesday, youth choir on Wednesday, and church service again on Friday. They were a middle-class family, not rich but not poor, and this was their life. But it wasn’t until age eight, after making a bet with God, that Nicole gave her life to Christ and started walking with Him. At 17, she graduated a year early from high school, and with her parent’s blessing, set out for Texas, where she attended the two-year Bible school, Christ for the Nations Institute. At this point in life, things were good. She had grown up in a good world, felt safe, and had no reason to believe that life wouldn’t stay that way forever. Besides that, she had given her life to God at a young age, so nothing could touch her in her mind. But as Nicole conveys, the Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust, meaning some storm eventually hits us all.
The beginning of the storm
After graduating, Nicole met a man she thought was the “cat’s meow.” He was five or six years older than her, and on their very first date, asked Nicole to marry him. She thought he seemed super-spiritual, and on top of that, he was heading off to another Bible school she wanted to attend prior but was too young. He told Nicole that this was God’s will and that if she didn’t jump on board, she’d forever be forfeiting His will for her life. Nicole didn’t want to miss out on God’s best for her. And in her mind, sometimes, the things we want are the complete opposite of what God wants. Turn that around, and the thinking becomes: what God wants isn’t what we want for ourselves. Nicole didn’t want to get married, but she began thinking that maybe God wanted her to sacrifice her youth, marry this man, and be a part of the ministry he was doing. So she said yes. Her mom, however, was not on board and told her as much. According to mom, this was not God’s will for Nicole’s life because God is not in a hurry. Despite her reservations, Nicole’s mom, accompanied by Nicole’s father, attended the wedding. What Nicole didn’t tell them, though, or anyone for that matter was that by the time Nicole and her fiance had said their vows, he had already hit her. Nicole believes it was her pride that didn’t let her tell anyone. She didn’t want to hear others say, “I told you so.” Plus, she felt that while he had a horrible upbringing, she had a good one, and if she could just love him, the scales would tip, he’d change his behavior, everything would work out, and they, as a couple, would have a great testimony to share.
The abuse continues
Unfortunately, the scales didn’t tip, and for the next three years, Nicole’s husband continued to abuse her. He’d pull her out of bed by her heels, punch her in the face, kick her in the ribs, and do other things like taunt her by clicking knives together. On the outside, things looked fine. They were attending a megachurch in Texas, and he, believe it or not, was the assistant children’s pastor. And because of that, Nicole felt like she couldn’t say anything. In her mind, if she shared what was happening, it wouldn’t only look bad on him, but it would look bad on the church and Christianity at large. On top of that, the press would have a field day. So Nicole tried to share what was happening in a behind-the-scenes sort of way by going to the church’s authorities, thinking they could counsel her husband. And since he respects them, maybe he’ll start to respect Nicole at home. But the authorities never talked to him even after repeated pleadings from Nicole, and she began to lose heart.
Losing hope
Nicole started to fear for her life thinking she might die at the hands of her husband. So one night, before going to bed, she told God that if he could find the mercy in His heart to take her life while she slept, she’d be forever grateful. She thought the only way was for God to take her out of the situation, but she began to learn that God could sustain her through her situation and create a good outcome. Nicole eventually told her parents about what was happening. She left her husband, and her mother and father brought her back under their covering, never once saying, “I told you so,” or shaming her for her poor decisions. While she was grateful to God for sustaining her and keeping her alive through those three years, and while she still loved Him, believed He loved her, and trusted Him with her life, she silently vowed that the next time she got into a relationship, she would take matters into her own hands. God could have everything else, but relationships were on her terms.
The storm continues
Nicole never thought she’d get married again, but another man befriended her, and he seemed harmless, so she let the relationship develop. Eventually, he made advances for premarital sex. Nicole had never done that before, but in her previous relationship, she did wait and ended up getting beaten. So she went ahead and slept with him. And then she got pregnant. The engagement that had already begun was accelerated, and Nicole got married again. But as Nicole says, you can’t build something on a faulty foundation. They stayed together for 21 years, and all the while, her husband was unfaithful throughout, betraying her multiple times with multiple women. Throughout the marriage, they would go to counseling, and repentance would happen, leading to forgiveness. But with true repentance, behaviors change. And Nicole’s husband never changed. Now having three daughters, Nicole didn’t want to get divorced and be a single mother. But after 21 years, enough was enough, and she eventually moved on.
Songs in the night
The brokenness Nicole experienced throughout her life is extensive. And I in no way want to minimize it with what I’m about to say. But sometimes, that brokenness leads to our anointing. Nicole likens it to an olive—unless the olive is broken, there isn’t any oil to pour out. And for Nicole, this rings true. It was out of her brokenness that her anointing came. At 12, Nicole was prophesied over by a woman in her church that she would be a songwriter and that God would give her songs in the night. Nicole thought that meant her inspiration would come in the evenings. But over the years, Nicole realized that night wasn’t referring to the time of day but the seasons of life. In her times of darkness and brokenness, and through abuse and marital unfaithfulness, God gave Nicole songs to sing. Nicole believes that those words given to her were her lifeline to the Lord in those moments, and it was He that was singing over her and through her. Music was the backdrop she used to bear her brokenness. The offering that she gave up to God was her broken pieces, and her anointing came out of those broken pieces. Through that anointing, Nicole’s songs have blessed people all over the world. If Nicole had one message for people, it would be this: trust Jesus. Why? Because she believes that God will work all things together for good. Regardless of the struggles you’re facing, regardless of the shame you might be experiencing, regardless of the consequences that have arisen because of your actions, trust Jesus. As you do, you can trust that he’s going to work all things out for good. Be patient with Him as you learn to be patient with yourself. Out of your brokenness comes your anointing.
Where to connect with Nicole
If you’d like to hear more of Nicole, you can check out her podcast Lovafide, listen to her music on iTunes and Spotify, or head over to her website. And don’t forget to check out her book on Amazon called My Redeemer Lives.
