Have you ever struggled with criticism?

If I were to share with you my personal journey on the subject of criticism, I would have to say there was a time when I was very good at criticizing and very defensive when being criticized.

Not a great combination…

Criticism is a two-way street. Sometimes we need to receive criticism and sometimes we need to give healthy constructive criticism to others.

Criticism can be such a negative force that living with it every day causes you to become dehumanized or even possibly suffer from depression. No one is meant to live with constant criticism. When it’s given in unhealthy ways, it breaks us down, instead of helping us to see how we can become better.

When we criticize in unhealthy ways, we are simply putting our bad feelings onto someone else. Criticizing others and talking about how badly someone has failed, shifts our bad feelings onto the person listening. As we unload we might feel somewhat better, but the person we have dumped on starts to feel terrible.

I believe that before we give constructive, helpful criticism, we have to be able to receive it from others. It isn’t balanced if we only give it, and are never willing to receive it.

What can we do when we receive constructive criticism? Thank those who gave it to you. Ask what you can do to improve this? Listen to what is being said.

Being defensive is inappropriate. One of the sure marks of good character is a person’s ability to accept personal criticism without malice towards the one who gives it.

After we’ve learned how to take constructive criticism, (feedback is the breakfast of champions), then we start to help others improve by giving constructive criticism.

I believe we start by being sensitive in our approach. We all have areas we could improve. Remember that. When we give criticism, we should always take responsibility to offer assistance in making changes possible.

In the workplace and in our homes, we need to create an atmosphere where people feel free to give and receive constructive criticism. After all, feedback is how we can grow as individuals.

If we value each other, hurtful and demeaning criticism will not be a part of daily interactions.

I’ve made many mistakes in my journey to give and receive criticism. Some have cost me greatly, but my goal today is to love and respect others rather than criticize.

What about you? Where are you in your ability to give and receive healthy criticism?

This article first appeared in Anne’s Weekly newsletter! To subscribe, click here. Each week, Anne sends a short inspirational email straight to your inbox. As a subscriber, you’ll also have first access to new events, books, and more! Click to subscribe.

In 2013 I was invited to go on a trip to Ethiopia to speak at a women’s conference. The countryside of Ethiopia is beautiful and the people are so kind in spirit but the poverty was hard to see and evident everywhere we went.

During the trip, we were asked if we would like to go see how the “stick women” make their living. I had never heard of stick women and all of us were curious enough to make the early morning drive. I was not prepared for what I was about to see.

As we headed up the mountain, I saw women, smaller than me, wearing tattered shoes and carrying a bundle of sticks about 24 inches in diameter, eight to ten feet long and weighing 100 pounds or more. They walk up the mountainside each morning before sunrise and walk down mid-morning before it gets too hot.

They’re called stick women and they have done this for generations. It is the lowest kind of job woman in their culture can have. (They make 60 cents a day.) They are disdained in their culture.

The burdens these women carried were visible and so much more than their physical bodies were capable of. Many of them cannot have children because of the strain on their lower back and the stress on their female organs. They have a very short life expectancy.

I was struck by it all. The reason they do this is that it’s all they know and they have no knowledge of another way to live. It was evident to me their burdens were more than they could bear or carry alone and yet they do this every day for years and years.

None of us will ever carry a 100 pound bundle of sticks on our backs and yet we have heavy invisible burdens that are too much for us to carry alone.

We do it silently because we believe there is no other way. Our deep sighs cry out, “would someone please help me,” and at the same time, we hope no one will notice the strain of this burden.

Being silent is the way we carry our burdens.

Just as the stick women have gotten used to the weight they carry, we have adjusted to our burdens. We carry it alone because we too believe there is no other way. We believe this is the way life is and nothing will ever change.

The truth is, we were meant for more! SO much more! And it starts by taking full responsibility for our own action and responses.

We cannot always change our circumstances but we can change ourselves. We cannot always control what others do or say about us but we DO have choices to make on a daily basis.

It’s so much easier to blame than it is to take responsibility for our own behaviors and choices. Blaming takes no responsibility for our own actions, failures, and attitudes.

I don’t know if the stick women blame others for their hard way of life. I suspect, they are simply doing what they do best. They get up every morning and do what they’ve always done because they don’t know a better way.

We’re a lot like them, going about our daily lives never thinking there is another way, a better way. However, when we do the hard work, we begin to think differently and then we begin to change our behaviors.

In that process, our lives begin to change. If you want to change your life, begin by changing your heart.

This article first appeared in Anne’s Weekly newsletter! To subscribe, click here. Each week, Anne sends a short inspirational email straight to your inbox. As a subscriber, you’ll also have first access to new events, books, and more! Click to subscribe.

I recently visited my family in Arizona to attend Trinity’s, my oldest granddaughter, graduation ceremony. It was a special time that reminded me that with hard work and determination, and the support of others, we can overcome anything.

Let me explain what I mean…

I clearly remember the early school years as Trinity would want to read to me. She was so eager to read me a book but because of dyslexia, she couldn’t. Instead, she would page through a book and pretend she was reading. I would sit and listen as tears welled up in my eyes realizing she couldn’t read.

After struggling every day with learning even the basics, she was finally diagnosed in 3rd grade as being dyslexic. The teachers recognized her disability and did a very simple test that revealed her dyslexia.

I was somewhat aware of dyslexia because Jonas, my husband for those who don’t know, is also dyslexic. The difference between Jonas and Trinity is that he didn’t discover his dyslexia until the age of 32.

He suffered all those years wondering what was wrong with him. He thought he was just a “dumb Amish-man.” Which is sadly something that was he was told. As a result, he struggled with low self-esteem for many years.

Trinity’s teachers went into action and gave her the tools and educational therapy she needed to work through her dyslexia. (What a difference a teacher can make. The dedication of teachers who truly care for their students is a gift to our children. Their impact goes far beyond what we can see.)

She worked hard to overcome this disability and with the support of her teachers, the trajectory of her life changed.

Her determination, hard work, and support from her teachers were revealed her sophomore year of high school. Trinity told me she was tutoring students at her school. I was impressed 🙂

She asked me to guess who she was tutoring. I was clueless.

She was tutoring kids with reading disabilities!

Trinity was one of the 3.7 million high school graduates in 2018. But what’s more impressive, she graduated as a Salutatorian and summa cum laude!

Her graduation was meaningful because of her love of learning and working very hard. I couldn’t have been more proud as she gave a speech at her high school graduation.

My heart swelled with pride as I instantly reflected back to the time when she was pretending to read to me!

I don’t know what limitations or disabilities you may be facing but I do believe that with support and determination, you can overcome. Maybe you will never be free of it, but you can learn to manage and find ways to be successful despite it. (I often hear Jonas “talking” to his computer as it transcribes what he says. It’s one way he’s learned to overcome his dyslexia and still show up in life.)

I’ll end with the old saying many of us have probably heard: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

This article first appeared in Anne’s Weekly newsletter! To subscribe, click here. Each week, Anne sends a short inspirational email straight to your inbox. As a subscriber, you’ll also have first access to new events, books, and more! Click to subscribe.