Today, I’m continuing my thoughts on loneliness and sharing about loneliness after abuse. Psalm 40:2 (NIV) says, “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire…”
Abuse of any kind makes you feel like you’re in a slimy pit. The loneliness that follows creates a challenge to stay fully alive after your spirit has been crushed.
Many people misunderstand abuse, and few people recognize that it kills the spirit of the person abused. We experience death but in a very different way.
There’s a story in the Bible, found in 2nd Samuel Chapter 13. It’s about rape and the conspiracy behind it.
One of King David’s two sons, Amnon, became obsessed with his sister, Tamar. Amnon and his cousin devised a plan for him to sleep with her. The story goes on to tell us that he raped her and then hated her more than he had loved her, sending her out of the room.
Tamar said to him, “The evil of sending me away is worse than the evil you did to me.”
She then went out, put ashes on her head, and mourned her loss. The story tells us she became a desolate woman. This is loneliness after abuse. Saying her life was radically changed is an understatement.
When you’re desolate, you feel joyless, disconsolate, and sorrowful. You feel abandoned and neglected. Barren, lifeless, and gloomy.
Tamara’s dreams and hopes to one day marry and have her own family were shattered in that one moment.
The crime of rape and abuse still takes on the feeling of desolation. It still creates the illusion that your dreams are shattered, and your life is altered.
The desolation and loneliness of abuse are what I experienced as well. The loneliness was worse than the abuse itself.
The effects of abuse are strong. They wrap around you to the point where you think you are dying a slow spiritual and physical death.
After abuse, we choose to stay in our loneliness because we feel alone, and it’s hard to believe anyone would understand.
Psalm 40:2 has become my life’s testimony. Even though the abuse of spiritual power was only a short six years of my life, like Tamar, I nearly succumbed to the desolation and loneliness of it.
After many years of struggling with the loneliness of abuse, I finally accepted the reality that I needed serious help. To admit that was huge for me, but the admission resulted in a change of heart, mind, and soul.
For anyone who has experienced the loneliness of abuse, I want to tell you first of all—you are NOT alone.
Many people have suffered as you have, and they have overcome. Ask God to help you. Seek professional help. Tell a friend who cares about your struggle. Trust the process of recovery.
Most importantly, be patient with God and yourself.
God will help you, in the same way, He helped me. He will “lift you up, out of the slimy pit, the mud, and the mire.”
