The Pain of Rejection

Let’s talk about the pain of rejection.

I call it pain because that’s what rejection is. You feel pain every time you feel rejected. Even though it’s only a feeling (which aren’t facts), it can completely stifle your emotional growth and alter who you become. It’s a feeling that hurts your heart and settles in your stomach. It makes you feel less than others and left unchecked causes you to become critical of others.

In this life, most of us experience rejection to some degree. It comes in many ways and is connected to relationships.

I’ve had my share of this negative feeling.

The more rejected I felt the more I allowed the feeling to eat away at my self-esteem and take me to places of deep despair. I felt disapproved, denied, and disallowed to be with people I loved. I was in a complete state of emotional negativity and refused to change (I didn’t know how to change) until I was on the brink of suicide.

Every human being has five basic needs.
Love. (I knew I was loved by my friends and family.)
Identity. (I knew my identity was in Christ alone.)
Recognition. (I had plenty of recognition in my community.)
Acceptance.
Security.

Acceptance and security are what I lacked. When you feel rejected its difficult to feel accepted or secure.

My husband, Jonas held the key to helping me overcome this terrible feeling of being rejected. He loved me with a kind of love that constantly challenged me. I didn’t understand how he could love me in the negative and rejected state I was in.

Jesus ultimately held the key to my freedom. He too loved me when I could not love myself. He never gave up on me because He saw who I could become.

Jesus is my role model and I love the lessons we can learn from observing his life. I believe the reason Jesus was so kind, patient, and loving toward me was because He KNEW and KNOWS what it’s like to be totally and completely rejected by those He loved most. He was deserted and despised. He understands rejection. Because he does, I was able to believe in His unending compassion, love, and grace.

It’s really quite easy to help people who suffer from rejection. Simply notice them and give them simple uplifting comments. Be interested in them and invite them to functions. Take them out to eat. Check in on them so they know you care and value them. Love them well when they feel unlovable.

Rejection can also be a good way to figure out what you need to change in your life. Figuring out what needs to change takes a humble person. It takes inner soul searching to understand why you continue to feel rejected. If you never stop long enough to reflect you will forever assume it’s someone else’s fault.

If you continue to feel rejected by those you care about, it could be an indication that you’re surrounded by the wrong people or the wrong environment. If that’s the case, it may be time to evaluate how you can help yourself break out of a life of rejection.

The bottom line is that we are all lovable. We are wonderfully made. Let’s work together to show grace and love to each other so that we can reject the pain of rejection.


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